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Today’s #HAWMC prompt is hindsight.  What would I tell myself at diagnosis?

When I was originally diagnosed, my doctor didn’t even call it diabetes.  She called it hyperglycemia.  This attitude led me to believe it was not something that I needed to worry about, that simple diet changes would fix the problem.  I was wrong.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had treated my diabetes more seriously at the time of diagnosis, if it would have progressed the way it did.  I also wonder what might have happened if I had not become pregnant at thirty-four.  Would the diabetes still have developed the way it has?  How much longer might I have had? 

Most of the time I think it probably would have happened no matter what I did.  I think my early diagnosis was a fluke and that my condition was stable until the stress of my last pregnancy did whatever it did to kill my pancreas.  But I think even without that early diagnosis, I would still have become the diabetic I am today.

The thing is, with hindsight you look back on things you regret.  I don’t regret anything I have done.  Yes, I could have followed a stricter diet.  Yes, I could have had a doctor who gave me more aggressive medications.  Yes, I could have avoided having a fourth child, a toddler when my other kids were all teens.

I love my son, I love seeing the world through his eyes, I love seeing the way his older siblings light up when they are around him.

I love that I had six years to continue to live a somewhat normal life unimpeded by the day to day grind of diabetes.  I am glad that I had those six years to learn about diabetes and to learn what I could expect when that moment came when I realized insulin was the only way to go.  I’m glad I was not afraid to start taking insulin, that I was not afraid of those needles, and that I was able to face my altered future without the shock, fear, and confusion that most newly diagnosed patients experience.

Do I regret my diabetes?  Yes.  Do I regret the road I’ve walked with diabetes?  No.

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