Today’s #HAWMC prompt is hindsight. What would I tell myself at diagnosis?
When I was originally diagnosed, my doctor didn’t even call it diabetes. She called it hyperglycemia. This attitude led me to believe it was not something that I needed to worry about, that simple diet changes would fix the problem. I was wrong.
I often wonder what would have happened if I had treated my diabetes more seriously at the time of diagnosis, if it would have progressed the way it did. I also wonder what might have happened if I had not become pregnant at thirty-four. Would the diabetes still have developed the way it has? How much longer might I have had?
Most of the time I think it probably would have happened no matter what I did. I think my early diagnosis was a fluke and that my condition was stable until the stress of my last pregnancy did whatever it did to kill my pancreas. But I think even without that early diagnosis, I would still have become the diabetic I am today.
The thing is, with hindsight you look back on things you regret. I don’t regret anything I have done. Yes, I could have followed a stricter diet. Yes, I could have had a doctor who gave me more aggressive medications. Yes, I could have avoided having a fourth child, a toddler when my other kids were all teens.
I love my son, I love seeing the world through his eyes, I love seeing the way his older siblings light up when they are around him.
I love that I had six years to continue to live a somewhat normal life unimpeded by the day to day grind of diabetes. I am glad that I had those six years to learn about diabetes and to learn what I could expect when that moment came when I realized insulin was the only way to go. I’m glad I was not afraid to start taking insulin, that I was not afraid of those needles, and that I was able to face my altered future without the shock, fear, and confusion that most newly diagnosed patients experience.
Do I regret my diabetes? Yes. Do I regret the road I’ve walked with diabetes? No.