, ,

I’ve been having an off day.  I saw it coming, knew it would hit eventually.  But that does not make it any easier.

My weekend was incredibly stressful.  My son announced he is getting married this summer.  Should be good news.  Is good news.  But there are things going on between my son and our family that has taken away the joy that should envelope us all at this point in his life.  Funny how when you have a kid you imagine being beside him through all those amazing firsts: first tooth, first word, first steps, first car, first girlfriend, first heartbreak, first marriage…and then realize life does not always work out that way.

Anyway, stress is something I try hard to avoid and never really manage.  We all do that, don’t we?  Read a good book or watch a good television show to decompress after a bad day?  Somehow it does not always work.

The thing is, I have gastroparesis and stress sets if off.

For those who do not know, gastroparesis is a slowing of digestion in the stomach that can be caused by nerve damage brought on by surgery, medication, or diabetes.  Or just cuz.  At its best, it causes nausea, constipation, and indigestion.  At its worse, it leaves the patient unable to eat and forced to be given a feeding tube to survive.

My gastroparesis is only just beginning.  In fact, the doctor has not sent me for tests, just simply told me I have it and I should avoid fatty meats.  Great advice.

So for the last few days I have had intense heart burn that makes coffee feel like acid going down.  Today the nausea began along with the early feeling of being full.  And for me, rather than constipation I get the opposite problem, often sudden and quite unpredictable (sorry for the image). 

It’s one of those days when I want to scream.  I want to toss my pump away and forget about this condition, forget about the numbers and the diet and the exercises.  It all feels like its for nothing.

If keeping my numbers where they are supposed to be did not prevent this complication, what else will it not prevent?

What lies in my future?