I’ve come to the conclusion that diabetes is only manageable for the rich…or, at least, the comfortable middle class with really good insurance.

My family has never been really well off. My husband works a service-type job in which he is paid by the hour. I didn’t work until about ten years ago when I began working freelance writing jobs over the internet. It was a paycheck to paycheck existence, but we did alright. Our bills were paid and we usually had what we needed.

That all changed when we moved.

As most of you already know, our house was bought by the school district and we were forced to move. It seemed like one of those double edged sword things–we had to leave the city we had lived in for twenty years, the city of my husband’s birth, but it was a new start where we could buy a house straight out, no mortgage. It should have been a good thing.

Not really.

My husband got a job right away, but he’s only making a little less than three quarters what he was making before. Most of his paycheck goes to pay the health insurance. That leaves us mostly dependent on my pay from random freelance jobs, which, if any of you have ever worked freelance will know, is highly unreliable. We barely have enough to pay our monthly bills–usually late.

I’m going to have to box up my insulin pump in a month or so. I owe a lot of money to Medtronic for the last two sets of infusion supplies (the insurance deductible and 20% copay) and they will not send more until I pay.

How do you choose between paying your monthly bills and paying for your medical supplies?

I never thought I’d find myself in this situation at my age. I thought the nights of lying awake at night worrying that someone was going to come repossess my car were over. Only young, dumb people just starting out struggle like this, right?

My twenty-three year old son is doing better than we are.

I never imagined it would be this hard.

I would give, or do, just about anything for a few thousand dollars…

I wish one of those politicians who are always saying that Americans in debt are there because of their own laziness and poor choices could walk a month in my shoes. Work forty hour weeks for less than four hundred dollars every two weeks, or work at freelance jobs for twelve, fourteen hours a day for finicky clients who often drag their feet about paying, or won’t pay what the work is worth.

I could get a nine to five job…but that would pay less than what I make freelancing, and who would care for my kid?

Get a mortgage? And how do we pay it back when it’s gone and we’re back to living on less than $2k a month?

I’d love to see Obama or one of these snobby Senators try to survive on less than $2k a month…pay my bills, feed and clothe my children on that and still pay increasing medical costs….

I guess, for now, it’s back to MDI with cheap Walmart insulin.